Figuring out how to speak your spouses Love Language can be challenging. Here are four of my tip for loving a Physical Touch spouse.

Listen, you guys. I LOVE the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I love them. They are life changing. If you have been here for a minute you probably already know about this obsession of mine. If you are new you can start here with Why Love Languages Matter. Spoiler alert: they matter because people matter.

I love trying to figure out other people Love Languages. I am always trying to figure out how to better speak my husband's languages and how to better incorporate them into friendships. I wrote this post on How To Love You Acts of Service Love Language Spouse based on what I've learned loving my husband.

Today I want to focus on Physical Touch Love Language people. Because I am a Physical Touch myself, I want to share my tips. This has taken me a year to write. I think I find it challenging to talk about this particular language because it is mine and also because touch can have an overly sexualized connotation. This Love Language is, however, pure and lovely at its core.

Touch is important, especially to a Physical Touch Love Language. These four tips are what I find matters to me as a Physical Touch love language. These are just my tips. They may not apply to you or your spouse but then again they may.

If you don’t know anything about the love languages I suggest you pick a copy of Gary’s book here. They also have an excellent version specifically written for men that I will link here.

The Basics

To give you a basic super quick explanation, there are five Love Languages and everyone tends to have one as their primary sometimes you may have a secondary.

The Five Love Languages are Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Learning how you receive love and how your loved ones receive love enables you to make sure that you are communicating love in the most effective way.

Chapman uses the concept of a love tank. We each have one and we all want it filled. Speaking a person's Love Language is the most effective way to fill that love tank.

Physical Touch Love Languages best receive love in the form of touch and physical closeness.

Touch Them Often

There is like this weird stopwatch in my mind that starts every time my husband touches me. His arm around my shoulders or his hand taking mine can extinguish every bit of any anxiety raging within me instantly. Mike is very mindful of my love languages but every now and then he will walk over a give me a hug and I can feel this huge relief and I realize, “Wow. I missed him.”

So my advice to all who have a Physical Touch loved one is to touch them often. Hug them before you leave and when you get home. Put your arm around them when you’re watching tv. Hold hands! Hug them when you apologize or when they are upset. Learn to give a mean back massage. Get creative and get to touching.

PDA Kind of Matters

Now let me define what I mean when I say PDA. Public displays of affection, to me, means just that. Public displays of affection. I don’t mean groping and necking in the aisles of Walmart. Please do that at home because no one wants to see that… Well, some people may want to see it but that a whole other problem.

I know PDA freaks some people out but I really believe that is because they misunderstand what it really means. Groping and necking aren't really what should come to mind at the word affection. Affection in public is beautiful!

I remember always greatly admiring when a pastor would talk about how much he loves his wife during a sermon to prove some point. That to me is PDA. PDA is a public display of a gentle feeling of fondness and liking. I LOVE when my husband isn’t afraid for others to see that he is fond of me.

Take your Physical Touch spouse’s hand as you walk through stores or church. Put your arm around them at the movie theaters. Sit by them in a crowded room. Be that couple that sits on the same side of the booth at dinner on date nights. Kiss at red lights.

To me, this communicates, “I love you and I am not ashamed who knows it!” When you refuse or neglect to do these things, it may feel like rejection or like you are ashamed.

When closeness is an option, choose closeness

In a room full of chairs, always choose the one next to your Physical Touch loved one. Physical distance causes anxiety. You can’t sleep in the other room because their snoring bothers you. That will feel like rejection to a Physical Touch person and you can adapt to a snoring spouse…trust me.

Don’t choose your lazy boy recliner in the corner over the seat next to your spouse on the couch unless your recliner is big enough for your spouse to come cuddle in as well. If you are spending time together try to be physically close.

This one is also huge in conflict. Physical distance can equal emotional distance. If you are having a difficult conversation, stay close. You choosing distance will create just that, distance.

Know that they will touch you often

You tend to speak your own love languages best. Physical Touch people will touch you often. They will reach for you hand often. They will hug you often. They will rub your head and back absentmindedly. (Which is awesome. Who does like that?)

Basically, some part of them will be touching some part of you fairly regularly and usually, they aren't even thinking about it. This is just how they show love and affection. This is how love naturally flows from them.

I hope these four quick tips help you to love your Physical Touch Love Language spouse even more!! Let's let our love grow and grow right! If you or your spouse are Physical Touch people then PLEASE share your tips and tricks below! What matters to you? What do you find matters to your spouse? Let's discuss below!

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